Colorado

Okay, so what I wondering was way out of line. I shouldn't have written about 'why' are they inviting me there. They were so nice, their hospitality skills were superb. They're cooking, ohhh it was so delicious!

I was nervous. I am not exactly groomed to be well mannered or have any sense of etiquette to function well in the society. But, at least I could keep a decent conversation with anyone without acting like a moron. Well, towards the end of the 'visit' everyone's true identity start flowing, and we all laughed about certain subjects.

I got so comfortable I heard myself snort while laughing. I thought OMG! I'm sure they had a good laugh about that, too.

Their place: It's WOW! A log cabin type summer home. BIG window, fireplace, well two fireplaces in the living areas. It's just beautiful.. and it's more than what I thought it would be. When I started seeing big houses surrounding the lake, I knew we were in the right place. Of course the lake is owned by the property owners so they get to use it at their discretion. They even have an Eagle perched up in the Pine Trees.. and other wild life. Oh, what a life.. so peaceful and quiet.

One thing I have been learning about myself is.. and have been told many many many times.. I am well educated, I am no less than anyone, I have done well in life.. so quit feeling insecure and slowly come out into the circle.. (well when I'm drunk, I don't have a problem), I was asked if I would like a glass of wine. IF I had my way, I would prefer a stiffer drink.. on the rocks, please! But of course, I declined. Anyway, it was a delight.

My brother came to visit this morning. I thought he was going to tell me to stop spoiling his son, and he is limiting my visits with him. But no, he got another girlfriend.. that is like how many this week? She is the same size as Mickey's mom, but lighter complexion. She tried to be nice and talk about my horses, I didn't fall for it. Right off the back, I laughed in her face and made rude comments. My brother tried to tell me to hush.. I said "Scants like her don't deserve any respect." and more..

O, Mickey's mom got the heave-ho.. He found out she had signed him away since last year. He told her to "Get the hell out, Bitch!" She tried to deny that she did give him away.. but that's that. At least he is in a good home.

This new missy.. I wasn't so cool with her or gave her any respect. I was actually rude, and made rude comments to her. I know I got to her badly, cuz she pulled out cigarettes and smoked the whole time.. I looked and her and kept going.. Then I let my brother have it for bringing her to my house. I told him now I had sanitize my property. Bringing Rez whores to my house, is like whadafuk?

I went to give him a hug, and all I got was bones. I was like WHAT????? What happened to the rest of you??? WHAT?? WHY ARE YOU NOT EATING??? I told him I wish he would take care of himself. I know, he rather drink his life away.. I know, he isn't gonna last long.. he looks horrible.. bones and yellow eyes.. he winced in pain.. he said he got hit by a car again.. while he was crossing the street.. He broke them.. during his drunk times he took off his cast.. I hate it, but I can't do anything about it. It's breakin my heart.. but hell, if that's what he wants to do to himself, what can I do? Nothing, just tell him how I feel.. tsk tsk, the things he does to himself is way beyond my comprehension... When he dies, maybe he will understand how many he has hurted.. those that do love him..