day 2 since hosp

I hear I have been home for a couple of days now. I have been coming in and out of sleep faster than the last one. It's so good to be home as usual, and I know it's hit me with that idea.

It's hard to decipher what life really has to offer you, I think it's more what you can do to give. Your calling in life, and it's a free will. As always, you complete it and life goes on.. if not, there's consequences.. I don't know... only God himself knows. I just know, I got sent back on the knowledge it is not my time and I should return.

I loved every second being out there, it's so peaceful and I DONT KNOW.. just so heavenly. I know I am not going to hell like I have thought I was.. all the crap I've put people through.. and the selfish acts I've done in my life.. Nope. That doesn't deserve a hellish sentence..

When I did return and I knew I was back, I was disappointed I didn't get to see anyone and most importantly I didn't get to hold my baby. I was mad and pouty.. but when I was told to go back, that was it.. I had to go back, there was no arguing and defying..

So, of course.. Hubby almost got murdered for putting me on the machines to keep me going. I had asked him and actually told him I never EVER want to be put on machines or have CPR done, ever. If I go, let me go.. and this was the most perfect death I could have ever gotten. So smoothe and soft going.. well, so my body said otherwise.. I hear I thrashed pulled kicked, and just poohey'd in the room and that was the end of that..

The process of life we go through.. I have to say.. dying is beautiful.